Tuesday, 08 July 2008

Sunday, 22 June 2008

  • "i don't want congress to take m'goooold!"

    i had an interview friday, for the position of office assistant at o'brien energy co. it's an oil and gas company in shreveport.

    i was telling hilary before my interview that i hoped it was run by fiercely loyal irish people, so i'd just walk in and they'll be all "och, aye, ireen siochan, is't? it's hired ya are! 'ere! have a pot o' health coverage! AND GOOOLD! " and we'll all just sit around all day eating lucky charms and potatoes [separately] and making fun of british people.

    it didn't go quite like that, but it went well.

    on a related note, you never realize how much lint is on your shirt until you sit in a reception area full of more obscure 'forbes' publications and magazines about fishing in iceland and how to make private jet ownership less inconvenient.

    trust me.

    [but erin, where did you get that title?]

Wednesday, 18 June 2008

  • me and funerals.

    it has come to my attention more than i'd like in the past month or so that i don't really have a good coping mechanism when it comes to death. i guess with my dad being a preacher, with weddings and funerals punctuating my life pretty consistently, i thought i had it all figured out. i mean, weddings don't really faze me , so i guess something in me expects that funerals won't either.

    but they do. and there's this part of my brain that sort of hides from it, that i can only access when i'm too tired to keep hiding it, and i catch myself thinking things like 'so next time i go by newellton, i'll go see miss connie and mr. john and...' and 'i wonder when the next SCA thing is...i should definitely go...i can't wait to see beth and...'

    and then i catch myself.

    i see now that i let a lot of opportunities to see mr. john or beth pass me by for what seemed like valid reasons at the time, but now just break my heart over and over again, every time i stop focusing on not thinking and think 'i can't wait until next time i'm in newellton,' or 'i wonder if beth and i can start working on that garb now...'

    i remember when my great grandmother died, for months i dreamt that the whole thing was a terrible nightmare and she was really alive and okay and i'd see her the next time i was in alabama, and when mr. marvin died, the same thing, he was really alive and okay and up in maryland waiting for our next visit, whenever that would be...

    it's been years now, so i'm pretty much clued in to the fact that granny and mr. marvin are gone, but it took a while before my entire brain caught on to that...so i just wonder how long it'll be until i stop thinking like this about beth and mr. john.

    the moments when i think they're okay feel so calm and wonderful, then catching myself, having that realization...it's just so painful.

    i guess that's why i try to stay numb most of the time.

Monday, 16 June 2008

  • based on recommendations from a very dear friend

    Isaiah 43:1-2

    Israel's Only Savior

    43:1 But now thus says the Lord,
    he who created you, O Jacob,
    he who formed you, O Israel:
    “Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
    I have called you by name, you are mine.
    2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
    and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
    when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
    and the flame shall not consume you.

    Psalm 34:18 

    18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
    and saves the crushed in spirit.

    Psalm 27:13-14 

    13 I believe [1] that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living!
    14 Wait for the Lord;
    be strong, and let your heart take courage;
    wait for the Lord!

    Lamentations 3:22-26 

    22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; [1]
    his mercies never come to an end;
    23 they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
    24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
    “therefore I will hope in him.”

    25 The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
    to the soul who seeks him.
    26 It is good that one should wait quietly
    for the salvation of the Lord.

    Jeremiah 29:11 

    11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare [1] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

    Proverbs 16:9 

    9 The heart of man plans his way,
    but the Lord establishes his steps.


  • beth's obituary's in the shreveport times. it's both thorough and accurate.

Saturday, 14 June 2008